AUTUMNomic Disorder

As of late, I find myself getting a little more down in the dumps each day. And, I know exactly why.


No, of course fall in and of itself isn't depressing. It's actually quite the opposite. It's my most favorite season of all, but I'm missing it. A LOT.

While all of my Texas friends (and I used to be one of them, mind you) are complaining and "meme-ing" things like "Winter said, 'Yeah, fall and I just about to pull in,'" I'm down here in sunny, hot (always freaking sunny and sweaty/melty/humid hot) South Florida. This is where people joke about how you know when it's fall because all the license plates start to change colors. I hate those people. I joke.

If I were to go see a doctor about these feelings I'm having, I imagine the conversation would go a little something like this:

Doc: So, what seems to be the problem, Mrs. I Miss Fall?

Me: Well, I'm starting to really miss fall, and I seem to be experiencing an impending sense of doom that I will never see, feel, or hear a crisp, cool breeze ever again.

Doc: When did these symptoms first appear?

Me: Actually, yesterday. I took my daughter to Kohl's, and at every turn I was bombarded with LONG SLEEVE Christmas shirts and cashmere sweaters. Do these people even know where their stores are located?!

Doc: Any other symptoms?

Me: Yeah. I'm seeing LEAVES in my driveway, and I have no idea where they came from because the trees on my lawn are all green!

Doc: Hmmm. Are you quite certain they are leaves and not palmetto bugs?

Me: What? Ewww. Gross! Of course not. They don't crawl. My dog tries to eat them.

Doc: Could it be... seaweed, maybe?

Me: Nope.

Doc: Right...ok, well, umm... [begins to doodle on notepad] green trees... leaves... uh huh... I'm going to have to give it to you straight.

Me [concerned]: What is it, Doc?

Doc: You live in South Florida, and there... just... is... no... fall. I'm sorry. The best we can do is keep you stabilized with some pumpkin spice lattes and perhaps an outing or two to Hobby Lobby's floral department where you can find a vast array of faux fall leaves to toss into your own bushes. This will stimulate your AUTUMNomic system. But, be sure and go around April or they'll all be gone and replaced with snowmen and elves. Creepy ones.

Me: Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! [runs out of room]

So, back to reality, I know that I cannot change South Florida, so... I'm going to have to change my perspective. Sometimes South Florida can be a little bit .... er... nice. I guess. And, maybe sometimes when I get down to the ocean, which is only 30 minutes away, I enjoy the feel of sand between my toes. WHEN IT'S NOT 1,000 DEGREES! Ok, ok... I can do this...

And, maybe Florida isn't SO bad because I don't have to shovel snow like the people up north who migrate here and DRIVE SLOW IN THE LANES IN FRONT OF ME EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Ok, perspective... I'll work on it.

For now, I'll just go put on some yoga pants and a Hallmark movie, turn the thermostat down to 68, fire up the ipad fireplace, and enjoy my latte. 

Pumpkin spice out!