Buzz Off

Oh, the multitude of times I have driven down the road in a semi-caffeinated stupor, listening (as intently as one might to elevator music), to the theme song for Word World or Veggie Tales playing vaguely in the distant background... over... and over... and over... and... until suddenly I realize...

THERE ARE NO KIDS IN THE CAR!  

[pause]

I HAVE THE RADIO ALL TO MYSELF!  

[double take to the back seat]

I CAN LISTEN TO WHATEVER I WANT.

WITHOUT WHINING OR COMPLAINING!

But, one day, just as I was settling in to my reminiscent groove, listening to the funky sounds of Earth, Wind and Fire, I experienced a quite unexpected interruption...

"I am Buzz Lightyear.  I come in peace!"

Apparently, Buzz had been abandoned by my kindergartener and left for dead in the farthest reaches of my minivan cargo space.

Although I've been known to stretch like a cartoon character in order to retrieve a wayward pacifier or to indulge a screaming toddler with a voice-squelching snack, there was no way that I could humanly reach Buzz on this particular day.  At EACH and EVERY turn, bump in the road or vibrating nuance, Buzz felt the need to speak up and introduce himself just one...   more...   time.

"I am Buzz Lightyear.  I come in peace!"

After I'd had just about enough of Buzz insisting he was there in the name of peace, I decided it was time for him to live up to his word.  Needless to say, Buzz changed his tune that day.  Literally.

Now, when my kids push his button, they sort of furrow their brows, tilt their heads to one side and scratch their scalps when they hear:

"I am Buzz Lightyear.  I come in pieces." 

Disclaimer:  No Buzz Lightyears were actually harmed during the preceding events of or during the making of this blog post.  If you have a complaint, please call your own phone number, and ask for "People for the Ethical Treatment of Buzz Lightyear."  Chances are the line will be busy.