A Mother's Guide to Coloring Your Own Hair
With half a bagel and a cold cup of coffee in hand, hold your tousled, dried out, five-toned head of hair up high and walk into the nearest pharmacy, grocery store or other easily accessible place where you can grab hair color, eggs, maxi pads, a birthday card and a beach umbrella all in one fell swoop, just in time to get your toddler out the door prior to his/her Mach 5 meltdown.
Pore over every single teeny tiny detail of the various brands of hair color, "temperatures," consistency (creme, etc.), and length of time before it's all washed out and you have to start all over at Step 1.
Purchase your items including the one in Step 2, all the while maintaining a youthful air about you, as if you're not even old enough to have gray hair and the box of color is merely for "a friend." Also, hope that the teenage check-out boy who's just old enough to be your son, doesn't notice that you purchased Maxi pads. :\
Bring your prize home and set it on the bathroom counter.
WEEK 2Be sure to move the box around from time to time so that it doesn't collect dust.
WEEK 5Stare longingly at the box of hair color you so meticulously picked out and then go wash the dishes, fold some laundry or clean a poopy diaper.
WEEK 8Hint to your husband that you think you really need a professional to color your hair. (note: If he replies that he is a professional, decline his offer.)
WEEK 9As you pass by the box once again, be certain to at least think about coloring your hair.
WEEK 17Toy with the idea of just letting yourself go gray.
WEEK 20FINALLY color your hair and enjoy the almost-perfect color you thought you were getting but really didn't because in just 24 shampoos...