You Might Be A Faceneck If...

One of my favorite comedians of all time is Jeff Foxworthy.  This is probably due, in part, to the fact that a majority of my mother's family members served as case-studies for his book of one-liner jokes preceded by the famous catch-phrase, "You might be a redneck, if..."

Well, it just dawned on me that I, too, could come up with a fancy schmancy catch-phrase like his or perhaps something just as famous such as, "three-peat" or "in a pickle" or "What's up, Doc?" if I tried really hard.  So, after some strenuous thinking and concentrating and perspiring and squinting, I settled on the term "faceneck."  Ok, so it's not as original as perhaps some may have anticipated, but if you like redneck jokes, you might just love faceneck jokes all the more.  So, update your status to: "is reading Ruth's blog" and sit a spell.  

How to Identify a Faceneck...

  1. If you get home from work and walk/run past your husband's open arms so you can send the word (((HUG))) to him on his wall... you might be a Faceneck.
  2. If your album of wall photos contains more pictures of food than a Julia Childs cookbook... you might be a Faceneck.
  3. If your husband sends you a message via Facebook in order to find out your whereabouts.... you might be a Faceneck.
  4. If your chiropractor and/or orthopaedic surgeon purchased a new car as a direct result of your chronic, mouse-induced shoulder pain... you might be a Faceneck.
  5. If you remember the score at your little boy's last soccer game as "5 comments and 12 likes"... you might be a Faceneck.
  6. If you login on Facebook and all your friends immediately write, "Norm!" on your wall... you might be a Faceneck.
  7. If you cannot play a game of scrabble without holding a mouse in your hand... you might be a Faceneck.
  8. If planting another row of corn on your farm is just a mouse-click away... you might be a Faceneck.
  9. If you frequently go to your computer to look up something "quickly" or pay a bill and get sucked into a seemingly-unending labyrinth of updates and photo albums... you might be a Faceneck.
  10. If you've ever burned a chicken or let the bathtub overflow because you were "tagging" people in your photo album... you might be a Faceneck.
  11. If you start and end every day with a "status update"...  you might be a Faceneck.
  12. If you compliment people in person by saying, "LIKE!"... you might be a Faceneck.
  13. If you find yourself becoming "friends" with someone just because you have 10 friends in common, but you have NO idea who they are... you might be a Faceneck.
  14. If you find yourself getting perturbed with your Non-FB friends who CALL or TEXT you and want to know what you're doing... you might be a Faceneck.
  15. If you can't access your profile on your mobile device and you break into a cold sweat... you might be a Faceneck.
  16. If you find yourself "poking" someone but you have no idea how or why... you might be a Faceneck.
  17. If your children want to know when dinner's ready and you reply, "check my status!"... you might be a Faceneck.
  18. If two of your best friends have ever started a "comment war"... you might be a Faceneck.
  19. If your idea of updating your look is a new profile picture... you might be a Faceneck.  And, drumroll...
  20. If your dog has his/her own FB page... you MIGHT just be a Faceneck. 
  21. ADD YOURS HERE! Go ahead, it's just like a "comment" on FB, you Faceneck! LOL! ROTFL! HAHAHAHAHA!