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Showing posts from August, 2010

Diaper Change, Anyone?

Today is Sunday, the day of rest.  And, I'm not making light of it, I just haven't quite figured out how to make that [rest] happen yet, in a godly way, other than napping to rejuvenate myself so as to not give way to sudden urges to be less than kind.  At any rate, I'll make today's blog short so that hopefully you can get back to what you weren't doing. ;)
STICKERS! I had almost decided that there was nothing worse than changing a poopy diaper (especially the kind that leak out to the north, east, south and west!) until I had to go out to my car to put a new registration sticker on my super sloping windshield.  WHY does a mom-mobile need to be THAT aerodynamic?!  
What am I?  The lead person for Lance Armstrong's entourage?!
Ok, meanwhile back at the windshield... the glue they use on those registration stickers is even more adherent than meconium, if you can imagine that!At least it’s clear, I guess.And, it only happens once a year (instead of every two hours, r…

Will Learn for Candy...

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It's the first week of the new school year, and your tenth grader comes home with a list of school supplies for you to purchase for his/her class.  The list of "Supplies/Materials to Buy" reads:

One binderBlue and black pensPencilsOne box of KleenexTWO (1 lb. each) bags of wrapped candy "to be used in class for incentives during learning activities"
Let's read that last part again, shall we?

"to be used in (TENTH GRADE) class for INCENTIVES during LEARNING activities."

Ok, you want me, the parent, to provide you, the teacher, with candy so that you can persuade (entice, induce, draw in, bait, etc.) your students, including my child, to participate in class.  Hmm.

Seriously?!  Since when do we have to coax our tenth grade students with CANDY?  I thought this kind of educational bribery ended in elementary school or perhaps even pre-school!  I'm sorry but back in my day, which wasn't all that long ago, our INCENTIVE to participate in class …

The Hokey Pokey Coffee Dance

At one point in our pre-schooler's life, I was living a Cinderella story. Ok, maybe more of a PRE-fairy godmother Cinderella but I felt a bit pampered nonetheless.  And, if you're a mom who loves coffee in the morning, you'll understand just why I entertain these memories with such fond recollection.
Each morning, I would wake the pre-schooler up, make his lunch, get him dressed and send him on his way with Daddy. And, where do you think I'd end up just as soon as the garage door went 'click?'  That's right, my friend!  Back to bed!  And, when would I wake up?  When my oh so thoughtful prince of a husband would walk tenderly into the bedroom with a grande cup of freshly brewed Starbucks and place it on my nightstand, right under my sniffer.   Can you smell it?!  mmmm...   Truly, the best part of waking up isnot Folgers in your cup.  shhh...

At any rate, those were the days.  The days he was home, that is. On the days when he had to travel, it was hit or miss …

If Mama Ain't Happy...

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...ain't nobody ... well, actually, if mama ain't happy, she probably just needs a cup of coffee.  But, you all know from the post two days ago what happens if you give a mom a muffin.  So, what happens if you give her a cup of coffee?  Or what if you DON'T?  


Take a look for yourself:



Now for the AFTER:



See the difference?  Pssssst... If I were you, I'd hand over the muffin too. ;)

It's a HOT, DOGGED Day of Summer

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I used to feel sorry for my dog when it was 100 degrees outside because I could only imagine myself wearing a heavy fur coat and not being able to take it off!  Now that I'm older, a few pounds heavier and little more ummm... shall we say hormonally-challenged, I find that I'm actually envying my dog because she looks like she's cooler than I feel!  And, dare I say, I just need someone to throw me a bone every now and then! hahahehehoohoo..ahem.
Now, the saying "dog days of summer," for some reason intrigued me.  So, I looked up a similar word, "DOGGED."  And, these are the synonyms according to Webster: DeterminedRelentlessStrong-willedStubborn Well, this Texas weather sure seems to fit that description.  Yet, it also brings to mind a topic that is near and dear to my heart:  TWO-YEAR-OLDS.  Determined...check.  Relentless...check.  Strong-willed...check.  Stubborn...check check.
The following sample "conversation" with a two-year-old is based on…

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

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I copied this from my friend, Diane's blog.  I think it's hilarious!  Please visit her site if you have time.  She's a great writer and a sweet gal. :)
http://www.chosen2bamom.blogspot.com
If you give a mom a muffin
I've always loved this poem.  We all can relate to the chaos that comes with one cup of coffee. We are NOT crazy, we just have kids... 

If you give a mom a muffin,
She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
So she'll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She'll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She'll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With a Pound of
Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She w…

"Red Light, Green Light" for Parents

The game red light, green light is an old favorite that seems to have endured the test of time.  And, yet, I have recently found that there's quite a newer, updated "Parenting" version I'd like to share with you.  Perhaps some of you moms and dads out there have played this before.

RULES:  May change from day to day.

RED LIGHT = A Parent's Direction to STOP doing something, including but not limited to:

annoying a sibling verbally or physicallymaking loud, "nails on chalkboard" noises with your vocal chordsjumping on the furniture or bedtaunting the dog (or cat)throwing toys or other undesirable objects
GREEN LIGHT = See below.

HOW TO PLAY:

Parent gives Child "A" a RED LIGHT. Child "B" gives self a GREEN LIGHT to take action similar to Child "A" prior to #1 in hopes of a different outcome.Parent gives Child "B" a RED LIGHT.Child "C" reinstates GREEN LIGHT to take action similar to Child "B" prio…

A Tomato Hit Gulf Coast?!

When our babies were little, instead of nightlight, I would often leave the television on so that a) I could see to ensure that in my sleep-deprived stupor I was placing the diaper on the right end of the child and b) to have a little something to stare at to assist me in falling back asleep.

So, one night, as I was watching the weather channel on MUTE this is what I read on the closed caption feed:

"Tomato hits Gulf Coast"

Ummm...are you sure it wasn't a TORNADO???

Even our beloved state was subjected to the error of the stenographer's sloppy ways.  Ever heard of McAllen, TAXES?

I'm guessing the folks there had to pay higher Texas after they assessed all the damage from that tomato!  ;|

Greater Than Gold

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I used to get my kicks out of watching The Golden Girls back in the day, and one of the lines frequently used by Sophia was, "Picture it....Sicily...1945...blah blah blah..."

Well, ladies (especially moms)...I'm asking you to picture it:
A beautiful woman, impeccably dressed in the latest fashions, manicured nails, perfectly coiffed (love that word!) hair, makeup "just-so" with 4, no, 6, wait, 8 neatly dressed, well-mannered children in tow.  Now, who among us has not had one of those days where we think to ourselves, "my, my... how DOES she do it?"  or "Boy, does she have it all together or WHAT?!"

Now, picture, if you will, your kids' messy toys strewn across the living room floor.  You, for some reason just happen to have a large box wrapped in the most beautiful gold foil wrapping paper, complete with a perfectly tied, silk, wired ribbon.  Pick your color!  Now, you ask your children to place all of their toys in the box.   Still pictu…

Now Boarding ... Starbucks Air

One day, a couple of years back, my then 3 year-old, mounted his rocking airplane and announced, "Goodbye!" It just so happened that we had been perusing the resident globe, pointing out places like France, Peru and Japan, exciting locations where Mommy and Daddy had visited before. So, of course, when I asked where he was headed, I expected him to reply with some exotic location.  Instead he replied,  “I’m going a Starbucks.”
"Starbucks?!" I said surprised.
“I go Starbucks a cookie.”
And so it begins...

Mornings...

When I think of mornings, I think of Garfield (the cartoon cat) dragging his furry fat self out of bed, eyes half-opened, corners of his mouth turned down to reflect his oh-so-sarcastic witticisms.  The tagline is usually something like "I don't do mornings" or "I try to take one day at a time but several attacked me all at once."

Now that I'm not a singleton or a DINK, I can't really say "I don't do mornings."  I HAVE to do mornings.  And, in the midst of the screaming, crying, arguing over what to wear and asking for more waffles, more cereal, more juice or more anything to keep Mommy from her hot cup of Joe, I find the solace of hot water mixed with beans from a distant rainforest, roasted and ground to almost perfection, just sitting there waiting for me to...

SLURP IT UP because I have to go.

GOOD MORNING, GARFIELD!